The Sonia Show

 

Yeah, so, I cooked last night. Yay me!

 

I made yellow curry with tofu, onions, green beans and water chestnuts with brown rice. I think it turned out pretty OK. Next time I will swap out the green beans for snow peas, because the beans were a little too crunchy. Kate came over and had dinner with me. She said it was tasty, but she could just be saying that to be polite.

 

Good buddy Tiff introduced me to cooking with tofu. It’s really good and super easy. I had no idea. I have a difficult time cooking with meat. I don’t particularly like touching raw meat, especially chicken. Blech. It makes me want to gag. Don't get me wrong. I love to eat meat. I just don't want to touch it when it's raw. The point is it felt great to get in the kitchen and cook something.

 

OH, I forgot to mention something about the bar night on Friday. There was a man in the bar wearing sweatpants. Sweatpants!!! In a bar!!! On a Friday night!!! Unacceptable! If that man had bought me a drink, I would have thrown it on his sweatpants.

 

I want to see the new Indiana Jones movie so bad. I think I need to go opening night.

 

Today is The Man’s birthday. Happy 60^th Birthday, Dad! I hope you like the fancy new ax handle I bought you.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: Your key planet Venus is receiving conflicting instructions even now when she's in practical Taurus, encouraging you to seek and enjoy simple pleasures. But a tense aspect from dark Pluto can complicate your life by luring you beneath the surface and into the mysterious realms of your subconscious mind. Face your fears and bring your buried feelings up to the surface where they won't have as much negative influence over your life.

Yeah, so, I had a busy, fun weekend.

Friday night, I met up with Tiff, Karen, Nicole and some of Nicole's fellow CNET-ers for dinner at Foley's followed by drinks at some dive bar called Chelsea Place. Very divey. I think they filmed “The Accused” in that bar. Then we went to Tunnel Top. I talked to a cute boy. He declared himself the world's worst Scrabble player, which pretty much makes him the perfect man for me, right? HA!

Saturday, Kate and I headed out to the Big C for my sis and Tony's baby shower. I had a blast visiting with friends and family. Sun, beer, BBQ: What else do you need on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? OH, maybe Tony taking off his shirt and taking on the slip 'n' slide? Quite the “interesting” site.

Sunday was moving day for Kate. Tiff, D, Kate's buddy Colleen and I managed to move just about everything. The bed, chairs, couch, TV: All the heavy stuff. I was super impressed that we five ladies were able to get everything moved without injury. Girl power. Kate's new place in North Beach is awesome! I am very jealous of the amount of space that she has. I was so motivated after helping her set up her place that I came back to my studio and went to crazy rearranging everything. I moved the bookcase to the opposite wall and moved the bed over, which gives me more “living room” space. Well, as much space as you can have in a studio apartment. I moved the TV and the TV stand over to the other wall as well, and moved the DVD case to under the window. It makes the living room space feel much larger and gives it just a little bit of separation from the bed. I think I could get a love seat in the living room space now! Woo-hoo!

I love this studio, but I miss having a separate bedroom and living room. It's very tempting to get into bed and watch TV. That's no good. The bed is for sleeping and, ummmm, other activities. Not TV watching. I think the new set up will put an end to the temptation.

Tiff and I also made a stop at Trader Joe's. I've got some big plans to start doing some actual cooking in this place.

Cult of Pop Culture: HEIDI MONTAG'S STUPIDITY HAS US PRAYING FOR FORGIVENESS THIS WEEK

We should all get down on our knees and pray to God, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu and/or the significant lord of your choosing for Vanilla Ice, Whoopi Goldberg, Hugh Hefner and these other pop culture saviors and sinners in iF's new weekly list of the CULT OF POP CULTURE.

* HILLS star Heidi Montag said that not being friends with costar Lauren Conrad is “kind of like a weight off my shoulders.” Another thing that’s a weight off her shoulders: An absence of a brain.

* Vanilla Ice’s latest single has been leaked onto the Internet. Unfortunately, it’s his wife’s 911 call for domestic abuse. Still, it’s easier to dance to than that song he did for TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES II.

* Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy-er Pete Wentz are expected to get hitched this week. Not surprising, Simpson plans to pre-record her vows for the big day.

* Cher says that she dated Tom Cruise in his post-RISKY BUSINESS, pre-COLOR OF MONEY days. In a related story, Cher is a man.

Click here for the rest of this week's Cult of Pop Culture

Yeah, so, a coworker just told me that one of the bosses in the office instructed her assistant to turn on her office light when the boss isn’t in the office, so people will think she is in the office.

I suggested that the assistant should order a cardboard cut-out or perhaps one of those love dolls to sit in her chair as well. That’ll fool us.

I didn’t watch “American Idol” last night, but I heard that the Dreaded One got the boot. Not surprising. I heard his rendition of “I Shot the Sheriff” on the radio. It was so terrible that I wanted to shoot a sheriff. It is rare that a song makes me want to kill a law enforcement officer, but yet it happened.

Instead of watching TV, I went to yoga with Kate. I heart yoga. I always feel so great after yoga. My DVR is getting packed. I’m still recording every new episode of “Battlestar Galactica.” I’ve still got five more to watch of season three, then I can start the current season.

In other news, Tony worked out all his divorce court stuff yesterday. Woo-hoo! Congrats to Tony and my sis, they are finally free of lawyers and court dates!

Office buddy Holly dropped off a City College schedule of wine tasting classes for me to choose from. She wants to take one this summer. Can’t say no to that.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Your feelings are strong now, yet you may choose to keep them to yourself. You might want to show someone special that you do care, but would rather express it through actions instead of language. Keep all channels of communication wide open. Just continue to follow your heart, even if you feel awkward about it.

Yeah, so, around 3 a.m. on Saturday, someone tapped on my window, setting off the Homer alarm. I was too scared to look out the window. Then someone started shaking the gate, followed by more tapping on my window. Then someone took a brick from a nearby planter and started smashing the lock. I grabbed my cell phone, but then I heard a neighbor come out of her apartment, “Larry, what are you doing?” Larry is the older, gay neighbor who has been leaving me CDs and gifts at my doorstep for a few weeks now. He said he locked himself out and I wasn’t acknowledging his window tapping. Hello! It’s 3 a.m., you freakshow! You scared me. I also heard the word “oxycontin.” I’m not sure why he didn’t buzz me. Weirdo.

Yesterday, I came home to a practically illegible lengthy rambling note from Larry saying that he is high on pain meds, is in love with a straight man who occasionally has sex with him, quoted Amy Winehouse and then said something about Anna Nicole Smith. Ummmm, OK.

This morning at 5 a.m. an ambulance and a fire engine showed up at my place and, I believe, hauled off my neighbor. I think he’s really messed up on pain meds, for what I don’t know. I’m kinda afraid of him now. I’m the only single girl in the building and I’m living on the street level. Great.

Oh well, good thing I’ve got Homer to protect me.

So anyway, I got onto the elevator earlier and it was jam-packed with men. I had two ginormous apple in my hands. One of the men said, “Those are some big apples you’ve got there.” “Ummm, yeah … thanks,” I replied. When I got off the elevator, before the door closed I heard the men burst out laughing. I suspect they weren’t really admiring my apples. I think they liked my melons.

I didn’t watch “American Idol” last night. GASP! I went to a movie at the SF International Film Festival instead. I saw “Red Belt,” the new David Mamet movie. Holly and I went to an excellent noodle house in Japantown first, and then we bumped into Deirdre, Charlie and his friends. We all sat together in the balcony at the Sundance Theater. You can drink up there. Woo-hoo! So, I had a nice glass of wine during the movie. As for the movie itself, I didn’t love it as much as Holly, but I didn’t hate it as much as Deirdre. It was slow and it thinks it’s shocking and twisty, but not so much.

Favorite quote of the day: “Yeah, congrats [insert girl’s name here], I hope your vagina can cure depression.” — Michelle

My sister makes me laugh really hard every day.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Your understanding of what someone says could be somewhat distorted today, for your fantasies can color your thoughts more than usual. It's frustrating if you try to stay in the logical realms, for your imagination needs to have more room for expression now. Give yourself permission to daydream for a while without any need to be productive or practical.

Yeah, so, it was a pretty good weekend until some strange Scrabble player on the East Coast whom I’ve never met decided to e-mail me and tell me that my ex has started dating an East Coast Scrabble player who is 15 years his junior.

I’m not sure why that guy e-mailed me and why he wanted to hurt a total stranger who is working really hard to move on in a healthy way, but mission accomplished. I already went to high school. Not interested in going back. I won’t be sucked into some Scrabble soap opera starring my man-child ex, his new long-distance girlfriend and some guy who just can’t seem to move on.

This unsurprising development explains some of the mean-spirited anonymous comments I’ve been receiving on my blog lately. I’ve been deleting them. I don’t know exactly who is writing these comments, so I can’t respond directly to this person, but I will say right here on the blog that she need not bother. I’m done. Over and out. And, I will continue delete the comments from the blog.

Oh wait, was that little rant childish? My bad.

So anyway, I went to the Cock T’s show on Friday night. Very entertaining. Holly came out Saturday and we cooked up my dad’s freshly caught halibut for lunch and watched “Enchanted.” Super cute! Sunday, I drove out to the Big C and saw “Iron Man” with my mom, Michelle and Tony. I must admit, the movie was really good. Very entertaining, very funny. Robert Downey Jr. is AWESOME. I’m thinking about adding him to my top 5 fantasy Hollywood love slaves.

Sunday evening, I had dinner with good buddy Kate and Alison who just returned from Belize! She brought me back an adorable necklace and a little worry doll that you are supposed to put under your pillow and it takes away your worries. Sweeet. Now I don’t have to take klonopin anymore.

But, here’s the best part of the weekend, after dinner we were walking back to Kate’s place when we saw none other than Clinton Kelly from TLC’s “What Not to Wear”? “What Not to Wear” is one of my favorite shows! Kate was brave enough to walk up to him and tell him what big fans we are of the show and we shook his hand and introduced ourselves. I wish I had been dressed better. My black zip-up hoodie is not the most stylish fashion choice. HA!

OH, by the way, Click here for this week’s Cult of Pop Culture.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Explore ways to experience pleasure as this New Moon falls in your 8th House of Intimacy. Pay careful attention to what's most important while also making sure that you indulge in sensual delight, such as good food, nice music and massage. But you don't have the luxury of simply sitting back and enjoying it. Plan what's ahead on your path of life, for whatever you do today will impact the weeks ahead.

Yeah, so, I cooked a decent meal for myself last night. I made grilled garlic shrimp with whole wheat pasta. Turned out pretty damn good, if I don’t say so myself.

 

I went to yoga without Kate on Wednesday night because she’s still on vacation. (Lucky Kate!) After class, I was walking back to my apartment and it was such a beautiful night. I had just spent 90 minutes doing something really good for myself that I love. I was drinking my water and strolling to my place, where a very cute dog is always waiting and is so happy to see me.

 

For that 10-minute walk, I felt so happy. Maybe that short walk home after yoga is my new happy place. My old happy place doesn’t exist anymore, so I’ve been on the lookout for a new one.

 

So anyway, tonight I’m venturing out and attending a naughty cheerleading shindig hosted by none other than good buddy Tiff’s squad The Cock Ts. The whole gang will be there and Tiff has promised that there will be single guys for me to talk to. I need to start working out my mingling/flirting muscle. It’s atrophied and weak. I’ve gotten lazy. Working that muscle will be more difficult than ones I work in yoga, but I’m sure I can handle it. Before you know it that muscle will be super strong and I will mingle and flirt with ease.

 

Tarot.com says …

LIBRA: Today's action-packed Aries Moon is in your 7th House of Companions, presenting you with a bit of relationship action. If you do get into an argument with someone now, you're not likely to be especially fair-minded. Although you don't want to blame anyone for anything, you have a nagging feeling that something is wrong. Set aside whatever is impractical and invisible so you can focus on the real issues at hand.

 

Happy birthday to my mom, a.k.a. the greatest mom ever! 

I adore my mom. She's an amazing person who is always there for her children, friends and family. Anyone who knows my mom is a better person for having known her. 

I can't wait for her b-day dinner tonight. It's going to be soooooo good.

Tarot.com's Libra horoscope seems very fitting today:

Relationships are more complicated these days and you may be longing for the simplicity of days gone by. Unfortunately, your needs have changed and the current complexity is a result of conflicting desires. Don't struggle to get clarity; it may continue to elude you until the Moon enters intuitive Pisces tomorrow morning.

So, by tomorrow morning I shall have clarity. I can't wait!

Yeah, so, organic dog food and Homer don’t mix.

I took Homer for a walk around the park on Saturday with my good buddy Rob. Of course, we walk around the park for 45 minutes or so and Homer seems fine. Then, we start walking up Ashbury and Homer decides to, ummm, leave a disgusting runny mess in front of a shop. Figures.

I went to dinner and a movie with Holly that night and when I got home, Homer had vomited on the kitchen floor. Poor Homer! That organic dog food did not agree with him. It is back to Science Diet for Homer and the organic dog food went to the Free Bench.

Homer is fine now. That’s the last time I let some hippie talk me into anything. HA!

So anyway, Holly and I saw “Harold & Kumar” and it was damn funny. I didn’t love it as much as the first one, but I laughed a lot. We had dinner at Out the Door. So good!

I also had drinks with Terry on Friday night at Aub Zam Zam on Haight and had another two-hour yoga class on Saturday. Thanks to all this yoga, Homer walking and obsession with eating apples, I was able to wear some jeans on Sunday that I have never been able to get into. Nice, right?

I spent Sunday in Concord with my mom and Michelle. It’s my mom’s birthday on Tuesday, so Michelle and I took her to lunch and did some shopping. It was so great to spend the day together. We had Chinese food and then went to Macy’s and got mom some new clothes. Then, we went home and the entire clan (mom, dad, Michelle, Eric & Marlina, grandma and Lorelei) had Chicken Marengo (my fave!) for dinner. My dad caught a halibut in the bay on Sunday and sent me home with a good-sized piece. I invited Holly to come over one night this week and we can cook it up.

By the way, you can click here for this week’s Cult of Pop Culture.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Even if you aren't always emotionally expressive, you are sincerely interested in the well-being of everyone in your life. Today, however, your feelings can be transformed into little actions, which clearly demonstrate what's in your heart. Let the love shine through in all that you do for others.

Yeah, so, last night I decided to walk Homer to the pet supply store next to my yoga studio to get him some dog food.  I walked in and an older hippie man is just chilling behind the counter.

 

Me: “Do you have Science Diet?”

 

Hippie man: “Welllllll, I could order it for you. I mean, if you want to put that kind of stuff into your dog.”

 

Me: “Ummm, he likes Science Diet.”

 

Hippie man: “Welllll, I only sell organic dog food here.”

 

Me: “Of course you do.”

 

Hippie man: “I mean, Science Diet has all kinds of grains and fillers. It’s not really good for your dog.”

 

Me: “I see. … But he likes it.” [Long pause.] “Ok, wellllllll, do you have a suggestion of what I should get for a six-year-old wiener dog, who I’m trying to make sure doesn’t get fat?”

 

Hippie man: “Of course.”

 

He said “of course,” like “Of course, people come in here all the time and ask for organic dog food that is good for a six-year-old wiener dog that they are trying to make sure doesn’t get fat.”

 

The hippie man then went on and on about the good stuff in this dog food. So, I bought the organic dog food with the agreement that if Homer doesn’t like, I can return it and he will order Science Diet for me. Honestly, the entire conversation so was fuckin’ Haight.

 

Hippies!

 

Two other things happened last night on the walk:

 

First, some guy was driving around in his mini-truck, blaring “Take Me Home” by Phil Collins on his car stereo. Seriously?!? Phil Colliins?!? That guy needs to turn that shit down. He should be ashamed on himself.

 

Second, I met yet another person in the neighborhood who confused Homer and I for this other woman and her wiener dog named Ace. This has been a reoccurring thing in my hood. On four separate occasions, Homer and I have been mistaken for this woman whose name I can’t remember and Ace. I guess people see red hair and wiener dog and that’s it.

 

Anyway, after apologizing for the case of mistaken identity, this nice man, who has a half-dachshund named Biscuit, invited Homer and I to a small dog walk at Ocean Beach that apparently happens every Saturday morning. He also told me that there is a dachshund meet-up once a month at a nearby park. I figure it might be a good way to meet some fellow (maybe single!) dog lovers.

 

So anyway, tonight, my old Examiner cubemate Terry is coming out to the Haight for a drink. That should be entertaining. Good ol’ Terry. That guy makes me laugh so hard.

 

Saturday night, my newly single friend Holly and I are planning an evening of dinner, many drinks and movie and we can’t decide between “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” or “Harold & Kumar.” Decisions, decisions.

 

Sunday, I’m heading out to the Big C to see the family. Michelle is so pregnant that she can’t paint her toenails and she needs me to help a sista out. I think I can handle painting some toes. I just painted mine last night and they look fab-u-lous!

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: It's challenging enough for you to keep up with your fantasies today so don't bother trying to bring others along on your ride. Instead, concentrate on creative endeavors. You can burn off some of your excess energy by doing something that is enjoyable, especially if you make life beautiful in the process.

 

Random thoughts alert!

 

Yeah, so, today, I discovered that The Roots are coming to town in June. I’m very pleased about that. I heart The Roots and I’ve always wanted to see them live. Joy!

 

Office buddy Stacey keeps singing this song to me. It’s her take on “Jukebox Hero,” but she keeps singing “Douche box hero.” It really doesn’t have any other lyrics than that, but it does make me laugh out loud every time she sings it.

 

There are a ton of movies I want to see: “Baby Mama” and “Harold & Kumar” come out this weekend. I must bully someone into seeing at least one of them with me. I also want to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” which Kate and Alison say is hilarious.

 

My gay old neighbor dropped off another CD for me last night. He’s all about giving me stuff to make me happy ever since (cue dramatic music) that night he heard me crying. He’s very thoughtful. The CD is Ayo and some Christina Aguilera. I put in on my work computer so I can enjoy it here in my cube. What a nice man!

 

Just in case you were wondering (and I bet you were), the whole wheat-crust pizza I made last night turned out pretty damn tasty, if I don’t say so myself.

 

Good buddy Kate and I have plans to go to yoga tomorrow night, but I might go tonight as well. Yoga = Happy Sonia.

 

I became very concerned with this family of ducks that was hanging out in the fountain in front of our building today. The building managers were out their trying to scoop up the mama duck and her ducklings (No dad around. Shocker! Even the ducks have to put up with DBDs.) and put them in a box. I warned them that by doing that they would just scare the mama duck away and they’d be responsible for making orphans of those ducklings. The property managers have to remove the ducks, because the babies get sucked into the fountain!!! Of course, Animal Control wouldn’t come out. Jerkstores. I suggested they call the Lindsay Wildlife Museum. They may not come and get the ducks or move them, but they would have a good idea what to do. Now, it looks like the duck family has left the fountain, because the fountain is back on. Crisis averted … for now.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: You may not be willing to put up with any nonsense at work today. Your emotional fuse is short and your reaction to other people's shortcomings could be swift. Keep in mind that your impatience with others might be a result of your own frustration. Expressing what's in your heart will probably feel great in the moment, but could disrupt your routine. Decide in advance if it will be worth it.

 

Yeah, so, it was a pretty decent weekend. I tried to keep busy and motivated.

Friday night, office buddy Holly and I (and Homer, of course) walked over to D’s place for some homemade pizza. Mmmmm. We stopped at a bookstore and I bought a copy of “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.” I read it quite a bit this weekend. It’s motivating me to do the things I need to do to take care of myself.

Saturday, I took a two-hour yoga class. It was fantastic. I’m convinced that my family, friends and yoga will help heal my broken heart in no time. Later, I walked to Little Star Pizza and met up with good buddies Kate and Alison. Then they came over and we watched “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.” Funny movie. Not as funny as I thought it would be, but it had a couple of good laughs in it.

Sunday, I took Homer for a long walk through Golden Gate Park. There is a section of the park that is totally overrun with homeless and hippes. It’s not pleasant and I think I will avoid that part of the park from now on. Lots of stinky hippie and homeless smells, plus big dogs running around off leash and looking at Homer like he’s a chew toy. Also, the homeless and the hippies always have something to say to me even though I’m walking with an iPod on and I’m clearly not going to stop and chat or give them money or my dog.

Sunday night, Holly and I had dinner over at my coworker Stacey and her girlfriend Cynthia’s place in Glen Park. What a great place – way up on a hill with a spectacular view of the city. We had homemade spaghetti and meatballs (soooo good!), a couple glasses of wine and played Apples to Apples. They are good people. I was happy to be there.

Lest you think I’ve been pigging out and finding comfort in food, I’ve been eating tons of fruit and veggies, doing yoga and walking, walking and walking. I’m positive I have lost weight, but I still haven’t bought a scale to confirm it. So anyway, tonight, I think I’m going to make some homemade pizza for myself. I know it will be delicious.

Click here for this week’s Cult of Pop Culture list.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: There is a hard path in front of you, yet you can do what's necessary and still live your life in your own special way, even if this looks easy to others. Now, more than ever, your discipline can combine with a solid work ethic to stage a significant payoff. Don't think about cashing in your chips just yet. Rewards will follow if you just keep plodding along.

Yeah, so, I just want to thank everyone for their super kind emails, chats and phone calls during the past week. It’s been a difficult week, but during a time that could be so lonely, I feel so loved.

Of course, my friends and family have rallied around me. But, I have also been receiving support and strength from some unexpected places. Co-workers have been checking in. A neighbor in my building was walking by my apartment the night of the breakup and heard me crying. The next day, he left a little Buddha statue and a note, telling me that I can always talk to him if I need a friend. I’ve received some supportive emails from some people that were surprising to say the least. I am so grateful for those emails.

I’m eating many apples a day. I have no idea why. I’m back into yoga (downward facing Sonia). I’ve got plans for pretty much every night. Everyone is inviting me (and Homer!) over for dinner. Last night, Homer and I walked over to Tiff and Dan’s place for a little Mexican fiesta. I must say, Homer was quite smitten with Dan. I think Homer wants Dan to be his new male role model. HA! Got some plans to check out some movies at the SF International Film Festival. Got some concert plans in the mix. I’m keeping busy.

Tonight after work I’m picking up a copy of “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy,” which is written by the same folks who did “He’s Just Not That Into You.” That book is awesome, so I believe this latest book will be most helpful.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Your moods may be all over the map today with the Moon in your sign, but things are likely getting better now day-by-day. You must get through these next few days of focused planning and practical thinking, even if you'd rather take a more flexible approach to life. Rewards may not show up right away, but they will come if you apply yourself diligently.

Yeah, so, breakups are the best diet. I’m rockin’ a top today that I haven’t worn in a while. Yay me!

Speaking of Yay, so long “OMG I’m like totally racist” Kristy on “American Idol.” Unfortunately, my girl Brooke was in the bottom two. Don’t like that.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: Your thoughts sink beneath the apparent surface of relationship interactions as you think about your unexpressed needs and how they motivate you. Paradoxically, everything may seem simple when you realize exactly what you desire. But nothing is quite as easy as it seems and going after your heart's desire can be more complex than you wish.

Congrats to good buddy Kate who landed herself a most awesome dog-friendly apartment in North Beach in SF! The property owner is my property owner, Marvin, so I know Kate is getting a great place.

Maybe I should send him another cookie bouquet!

 

Yeah, so, I’m working pretty hard to take care of myself and deal with everything in a healthy way.

 

I have un-boyfriended the apartment a little. I have signed up for a yoga class for tonight. Good buddy Kate is going to take it with me. Tomorrow night is good buddy Micaela's b-day so I will be dining in The Creek. Thursday night, Miss Tiff is having me over for dinner. I feel very blessed to have such awesome people looking out for me.

 

This weekend I’m going to change my bed karma and buy a new comforter cover and new sheets. Changing the bed karma = very important.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: It's time to take a long look in the mirror, but there's no need to be overly critical about yourself. It's simple: if you don't like what you see, make a concrete plan and then put your ideas into motion. If you are at a loss and don't know what to do next, seek expert advice, but don't expect your adviser to sweet talk you. They will tell it like it is -- and you wouldn't want it any other way.

Yeah, so, just in case you haven’t heard, Chris and I broke up.

 

It’s a familiar story. Girl wants commitment. Boy doesn’t. It happens.

 

After almost two years together, it was unexpected, and I’m really sad and hurt, but I know I’m going to be OK. I feel like I have this giant emptiness in me. I’ve lost my best friend, my partner. I truly love and care about Chris. I wish good things for him.

 

I keep repeating to myself, “It sucks now. It will suck less later. Then it won’t suck at all.” So, right now, I’m trying to be kind to myself. Let myself mourn. Keep busy. Mix up the routine, ya know?

 

Thanks to all my family and friends who have been so amazing to me during this really difficult time. I am so grateful and lucky to have such fabulous people in my life who are looking out for me and taking care of me.

 

If you want to send me an email at soniamansfield@gmail.com and tell me how awesome I am, feel free. I can use all the kind words I can get.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: Someone might be spinning yarns today and trying to pass them off as nothing but the truth. Fortunately, your internal lie detector won't let anyone get away with anything now because your intuition won't let you be steered wrong. Even if others think you are overreacting, don't go along with the crowd if your inner voice suggests that something isn't right.

Yeah, so, I’ve turned into a massive potty mouth.

 

I’ve always been a bit of a potty mouth, especially if I’ve been drinking. However, lately, it’s been really terrible and uncontrollable. Seriously. I don’t mean to swear and it’s coming out of my mouth without me even realizing it. It’s coming out in inappropriate situations like in front of people’s children and at work.

 

“So, I sent the press release to that douchebag and he fuckin’ tells me that it’s part of a fuckin’ portfolio. Motherfucker! Now, he fuckin’ tells me.”

 

Yes, it’s that bad. My brain filter (what little of it I’ve had) is breaking down.

 

Chris joked that I have turrets syndrome and it’s just been dormant for 37 years. Maybe.

 

I think it’s more likely that my filter is broken, because I’m talking out loud to myself, too. At first, I thought it was just my way of adjusting living in a studio by myself. Then I noticed I was talking to the dog as we walked down the street. Now, I’m not even talking to the dog! I’m just talking to myself! LIKE A CRAZY PERSON! I’m a crazy person!!!! Maybe I should wear a cell phone headset, so I at least look like I’m talking to someone else.

 

So I’m going to try to rein myself in a little bit. If Chris can quit smoking, I can quit swearing … or at least cut down on the swearing. I will never stop completely. I can at least switch from “fuck” to “frak” at work. It’s a start. Maybe I can build the filter back up to a working level. And perhaps when the filter is stable, the talking out loud to myself like a crazy frakin’ person will stop.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: Jovial Jupiter is pumping a steady stream of positive energy toward your key planet Venus, enabling you to successfully get what you've been wanting for days. Paradoxically, nothing has changed, yet the results are different. It's as if a traffic jam has opened up, allowing you to resume your progress. But don't forget that the initiative still needs to come from within you.

 

Yeah, so, I learned a lot at Chico State.

 

I learned a lot about writing, newspapers, how to live on my own, relationships, but one of the things I learned that I use more than I care to admit is how to drunkenly fall on my face without really hurting myself.

 

Yes, it’s a skill.

 

I went out Sunday afternoon to a bar for a little drinkin’ in the afternoon for good buddy Deirdre’s birthday. I had a few beers during a period of several hours. I wasn’t smashed. I was, however, impaired just enough that I was unable to navigate a hole in the sidewalk and I fell on my face upon leaving the bar. Luckily, I minored in drinking and falling at Chico State, so I quickly held out my hands, preventing myself from breaking my face, bones and glasses.  

 

So, today I have a quasi-swollen left hand. Of course, I was more embarrassed than hurt. I really am a spaz, a clumsy jackass. If I could go a day without spilling something, dropping something or tripping on something, I would be most impressed. I have no idea how I’ve managed not to break any bones. It must be all the milk I drink.

 

Tarot.com says …

Libra: Your ruling planet Venus is being bounced around in the cosmos, as it is stressed by both passionate Pluto and somber Saturn. Your recurring indecisiveness could be a challenge today as you try to figure out how you can have fun while also living up to someone else's expectations of you. Try to enjoy the present moment now instead of planning for the future.

Yeah, so, Lorelei came out and stayed with me last night while Michelle and Tony went to the Chris Rock show in Oakland.

I think Lorelei and I had a good time. I picked up her from school and immediately she asked, “Can we have dinner and watch ‘The Simpsons’ like we used to?” Cant’ say no to that.

We had to go by the grocery store, because I don’t really have anything Lorelei-friendly in my place to eat. So, I let her pick some cereal for breakfast and whatever she wanted for dinner. She picked chicken nuggets and mac ‘n’ cheese. Not the most nutritious dinner, but, as her aunt, it is my duty to spoil her somewhat. We also bought some oatmeal cookie dough. Mmmmmm. It was a gluttonous night in the Ashbury studio.

I was so paranoid about getting her to school on time that we were there almost 30 minutes early. We played some tetherball and ran around. Then, about five minutes before her class, Lorelei said she needed to talk to me. And then my 5-year-old niece gave me a pretty grownup speech about how much she misses me and loves me and wants me to visit more and she wants to come out and visit me more. Of course, I told her we can do that. Then she gave me a kiss, a sad face and a little wave and walked into her classroom. Then I proceeded to cry like a little girl all the way to my car.

I really miss seeing her everyday. I talk about her a lot with folks here in the office, especially on the daily walks. I dream about her a lot, too. Sometimes they are nightmares that she's all grownup and we don't know each other anymore. I think that's my mind trying to process my feelings about not seeing her everyday. I see her when I can, but I've been pretty busy and she's busy, too. She's got weekends with dad and Grandma Colleen, etc. I will try harder, because I always want us to be close.

What hit me about the conversation this morning was I kinda figured with Tony and Olivia being there that Lorelei didn’t even really notice that I wasn’t around anymore. I was wrong. It made me feel terrible that my 5-year-old niece gave me that speech. I will make sure that we see each more often.

I came into the office with this on my mind. I went into the kitchen to brew the coffee, but I didn’t notice that the coffee pot had not been emptied for the day before. I just started the brewer and walked out. I returned to find a river of coffee and one of my coworkers cleaning it up. “Umm, that’s my bad,” I told her, but she stayed to help me clean it up. Damn nice of her.

So anyway, I’m counting the minutes until Ladies Lunch. I need a drink.

Tarot.com says …
Libra: On the surface, everything may appear sweet, yet unexpressed feelings can complicate even the most straightforward situation. If you're not sure about the best way to proceed, let those closest to you know your current dilemma. You don't need to have the right answer yet if you are willing to be open and honest about the question.